I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
