made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
