I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
