Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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