from now on my penis is your penis
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
