hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
