Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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