Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
