Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
