I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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