I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I love how my cats smell like pot.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
