Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
