I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
