So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I could fuck to npr.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
