you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
