The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize