Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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