I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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