If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
