8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
