Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
