Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize