Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
