Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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