Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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