I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
