i think i have herpe
just one?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
