Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize