Need sex. Gaining weight.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
