its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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