Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
