I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize