i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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