she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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