I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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