I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am available for nakedness
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
