We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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