I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just pee around me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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