i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize