he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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