I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
