____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
