he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
