he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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