why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
