did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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