and you said cock pushups were impossible
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
