u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize