I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
