I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
