Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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