$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
