paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
