sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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