We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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