In the future we'll all be gay
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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