DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
