When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
