mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
