It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
