she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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