You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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