my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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