I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
