JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
