I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
