FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
