"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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