think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
