i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
