theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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