i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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