I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
