Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
