we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
