He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
