508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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