Kiss
Puke
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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