If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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