nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
