SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize