just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize