He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
