Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
