May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
