I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
