She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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