I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
