you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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