I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
