On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
