Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
