Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
