I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
