so explain again why im purple
no
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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