I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Randomize
