theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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