Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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