im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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