Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
